Local Radio Redux (Satellite Free, Day One)
By floor9 on Jan 19, 2006 in Rant, Technology
The other day, while working on my car, I accidentally cut the wire for my XM antenna. No satellite radio for me until I pick up a replacement. Making matters worse, my MP3 player was at the office, and I was off for two days. This could only mean one thing: local radio.
Crap.
I guess it’s good that I listened, because what I heard was pretty much the biggest advertisement for satellite radio that money could buy. My 48 hours without satellite radio were, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the worst 48 hours of my recent life. Except maybe for the day last week where a faulty power supply almost burned my house down. But it was bad.
DAY ONE was this past Tuesday, 1/17/06. Looking for a traffic report on my way to work, I used my radio’s “preset scan†feature to continually hop across Wink, TPA, River, Kiss, and Hot. I figured I’d force myself to listen to local radio during my entire drive for a few days to see if it’s really as bad as I claimed in my prior post. I left home at 9:15am, and despite my best efforts, made it to work at 9:45. Now granted, this is entirely from memory, so it may be slightly inaccurate. But it’s damn close:
WINK: “do … you know? (silence)†*click*
KISS: “(laughter) OMG NO WAI! You SERIOUSLY got drunk?†*click*
RIVER: “Slow ride … (baaa duh duhhhhh) take it eaaaaaaaaaasy…†*click*
WTPA: “(5 seconds of continuous, bellowing laughter)†*click*
HOT: “UH … YEA … MY NIGGAZ … UH … UH … YEA …†*click*
WINK: “(laughter) Oh Sue, you’re so right! I like coffee too! (laughter)†*click*
KISS: “(laughter) OMG bcuz u have a goatee! AND UR A GIRL! LOL!†*click*
RIVER: “…on ninety seven point three, the station YOU help program†*click*
WTPA: “(5 seconds of laughter continues)†*click*
HOT: “OUT MY WAIST EAGLE 440 THEY SHOOT I MADE YOU LOOK†*click*
WINK: “…out the window … Are you listening Jon? Because I saw…†*click*
KISS: “…that you aren’t a girl? Is that what you’re saying? I thought †*click*
RIVER: “… YOU helped program ninety seven point three, which is†*click*
WTPA: “Microsoft certified AND eliminating erectile dysfunction at the same time with†*click*
HOT: “MY NIGGAZ … UH … YEA … BEAT THAT UP GIRL I AM†*click*
WINK: “the program director … Jon, are you getting this? It’s almost†*click*
KISS: “TIME FOR A NEW CAREER WITH THE ACADEMY! YOU’LL BE†*click*
RIVER: “…programming ninety seven point three, the river. Now here’s a†*click*
WTPA: “Slow ride … (baaa duh duhhhhh) take it eaaaaaaaaaasy…†*click*
HOT: “WE’RE NOT RHYTHMIC, BUT WE PLAY ONE IN TEH RATINGS†*click*
WINK: “We’re not Hot AC, but we play one in teh ratings†*click*
KISS: “Just one pill a day, and it’s … ‘batter up’†*click*
RIVER: “for the station that was programmed by you; ninety seven†*click*
WTPA: “was the last time I checked in with what’s current. Why would anyone†*click*
HOT: “head to Eclipse nightclub, an Entertainment After Dark Downtown†*click*
WINK: “drug den which was discovered by city police after†*click*
KISS: “a live action broadcast where you can trade in your arbitron†*click*
RIVER: “HelpedHelpedHelpedHelpedHelpedHelpedHelpedHelped†*click*
WTPA: “books for cash. LOL! I hear … quiet … I hear that if you†*click*
HOT: “SPIT IN THEY FACE LONG ENOUGH THEY TURN DARK†*click*
WINK: “meat on toast I LIKE TOAST! (boom chicka boom chicka)†*click*
…. and this just went on and on. The sad part is that each station really truly thinks they’re funny / clever / interesting because of their relative position in the ratings book. But if you were given a choice between licking a cow’s ass, eating goat crap, or diving into a vat of floric acid, would you find any of those entertaining or fun, JUST because they’re your only choices?
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