No Myspace, Thanks
By floor9 on Apr 22, 2007 in Rant, Site News, Technology
I don’t have a Myspace account. Hardly a day goes by where someone fails to point this out to me. This lacking is by design, and is more than deliberate.
It’s not that I’m a snob. It’s not that I’m too elite to join the masses or any similar nonsense. It’s entirely because I’m simply not artistic enough to take a Myspace picture. You know what I’m talking about — point your camera at yourself (making sure your arm is visible), look annoyed (as if you’re being forced to take your own picture and it’s just tearing you up inside), and look off-camera to the right. Ideally, you should then Photoshop your picture and move your contrast all the way up and your brightness all the way down. That way, people will know just how hardcore you are, and your Myspace page will be as unique and one-of-a-kind as you are.
People generally gush about how amazing and awesome and revolutionary Myspace is, and how they’ve turned the tables on Corporate America ™ by creating their OWN content on their OWN pages. Yeah - you’re really sticking it to the man, and I’m sure he feels the sting of that ad revenue rolling in.
I also frequently use the shift key out of habit, which would preclude me from including elements like “OMG THX 4 TEH AD LOLZ!!11!!” and “ftw omg asl bbq rofl??!!!5!” And while I realize that there are plenty of 30-something professional-type otherwise-adults who have pages full of details like “omg ummm lol so me n tiffyz wuz at teh hardwraes bar last nite n got soooooo trashd an OMG NEVAR FORGT SETP 11 911″ coupled with animated glitter art of what I can only assume to be Dale Earnhardt’s car riding a tsunami wave into the WTC towers as they fall on bin Laden making out with Saddam Hussein as George W. Bush pilots a passenger jet to safety, it’s just not my style. There’s something about seeing a 34-year-old corporate HR Director who posts her picture, age (26), and date of birth (10/05/1985) right next to the graphic details of how she hooked up in the bathroom at Smalls that just doesn’t work for me.
Then there’s the “who I’d like to meet” section. Apparently this can’t be edited, because every profile reads the same: “people who are real and who have something to say and no hype and are wild and crazy but also know how to chill and who love to go out and party but also just hang out at home and i’m here and i’m real so get the fsck used to it”. I tend to get along with just about everyone, which means I’m just as well off meeting the next person I meet as I am anyone specific, so I’m not particularly elitist or shallow when it comes to defining who I’d like to meet.
Plus, I already have a well-established blog on my own domain name. Generally, when I get into the whole Myspace Conversation ™ with people, I reply with something along the lines of “no, I already have my own domain,” to which I usually get a blank stare in response, optionally followed by “no, I mean, what’s your username?”.
So there is no floor9 Myspace. I’m not interested in setting one up, either. I know, I know, fight the power and all that, rah rah rah. For me, Myspace is the online equivalent of watching a Nascar race.
In Wal-Mart.
Wearing a cowboy hat.
Listening to hip hop.
*stands up and applauds*
Right on brother.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
jersey | Apr 22, 2007 | Reply
There are some people that use myspace to actually keep in touch with people (maybe old high school or college friends who don’t live nearby), don’t have a jacked-up myspace page, have clothes on in their pictures and can type full words.
Sara | Apr 22, 2007 | Reply
Thanks Jersey. You must have it worse, what with dealing with bands and all.
If I ever had the urge to track down someone I went to high school or college with, I’d probably just Google their name. I think that whatever credibility Myspace may have had as a legitimate anything gets wiped out when 65% of the horizontal frame space is taken up by a full-motion video ad (with sound) of some girl pretending to strip to some 50 Cent song from five years ago. I agree that not every profile fits into my stereotype above, but the overwhelming majority of the site does.
But hey, to each their own.
I actually just now created a dummy profile to help thwart would-be name assassins. Just going through the signup process caused my angst to quadruple, and I now have this uncontrollable urge to listen to My Chemical Romance. Current mood: :(
floor9 | Apr 22, 2007 | Reply
Why not just have a Myspace page as another link to your real site? That’s what I do. I view it as nothing more than another method of driving traffic to my blog.
Josh | Apr 24, 2007 | Reply
That’s true, I *could* do that. But you are simply adding sound logic and reasoning to what is otherwise a witty oversimplification of the matter.
floor9 | Apr 26, 2007 | Reply
Just read this article. I can tell that this is a narrow minded approach to this subject and that the decision to how to describe MySpace was made a few minutes of either hearing or visiting of this internet domain. I am sorry, but no matter how you will say it, it is a narrow minded approach and not a lot of thinking and research has been put into this. There are real people who use it and when you do an article like this without much thought, without much research, and make the quick decision that it is this and that, it shows the immature ability to write. I don’t know why people applaude to this type of writing, in fact, I am tired of articles like this. Believe me, I have read hundreds. I know, it is just what you feel and what you believe in, but dammit, why do you need to write it? Free speech is great, but self control is even greater… Do more thinking next time or more research. And, do you actually use those words when speaking to another person??? That is sad, really sad. Writing and the art of conversation works together, you are missing both.
Aramint | Apr 28, 2007 | Reply
maybe you’ve read “hundreds of articles like this” because it’s the truth?
burgi | Apr 28, 2007 | Reply
Rock on, Burgi. Aramint - if you feel that Myspace is the pinnacle of self-expression and individuality, then more power to you. Enjoy. The rest of the planet still maintains that the site, in a nutshell, sucks.
floor9 | Apr 28, 2007 | Reply
burgi, read carefully, I read hundreds of poor articles, not about MySpace in general. floor9, thanks, but I am not defending MySpace, I was pointing out how your article lacked effort and how shallow it is. You can do better. I am ending this, I won’t write back. Also, you have my permission to delete my comments.
Aramint | Apr 29, 2007 | Reply
My article wasn’t exactly meant to be an in-depth expose on MySpace, but I’m flattered that you had such high expectations for my site.
floor9 | Apr 29, 2007 | Reply
if the rest of the planet maintains that, “in a nutshell, the site sucks”.. then why do millions of people use the site?
hithard | May 16, 2007 | Reply
Millions of people also smoke crack. Coincidentally, this is evidenced by your average Myspace profile.
floor9 | May 16, 2007 | Reply
While I agree with most of your article, I’d like to point out that being too snob or elitist to join the masses is no nonsense at all !
The masses are DUMB. Why should I want to join them?
Andrea | Sep 18, 2007 | Reply