I’ve landed myself a very nice job, so it’s only natural that THIS is when monster.com employers start going postal on contacting me.  I got these voicemails yesterday (my phone number is listed in my resume).  The times are not exaggerated:

09:31am:  “Hello Mr. floor9, this is Mr. Smith with ___ Financial Services.  I saw your resume on monster.com and was impressed with your management and sales background.  I’d like to speak with you regarding a career at our company.  Could you return my call at ___?  Thank you.”

11:01am:  “Hello, this message is for, uh, Dave … flour8 [my last name is difficult to pronounce for 90% of the population, apparently].  My name is Mr. Jones and I’m calling from ___ Financial Services group.  I came across your resume on monster.com, and I see that you want to, uh, [proceeds to read my “objectives” paragraph verbatim].  That’s, uh, pretty good, impressive.  I like the way you write.  Give me a call back if you could at ___, I’d like to speak with you about a career at our company, ___ Financial Services group.  Uh, thank you.”

12:49pm:  “Hello?  Hello, this message is for Dave … zebra12.  My name is Mr. Edwards and I’m calling from ___ Financial Services group.  I saw your resume on monster.com and would like to talk with you about some exciting career opportunities at our organization.  We are a retirement planning company specializing in targeting retirees and soon-to-be-retirees with impressive investment opportunities.  We’d like to bring you onboard, would you return my call at ___?  Thanks.” [”targeting”?”

2:29pm:  “Hi, this message is for Davit fl … flo … flower894839.  My nae iz Mizz Johnson from ____ Financial.  We are a extra ordinary planning company for retired people.  We have a excitin career choice for you.  Based on your application [I never applied] on tha web page.  Please retur my call at ___.  Thank you for your call [additionally, I never called].”

4:00pm:  “Uh, hello Mr. floor9, this is Mr. Smith calling from ___ Financial Planning Group again, I just wanted to make sure you received my message earlier.  I liked your resume, so I went ahead and set up an interview with you this Monday morning at 10am.  I understand if that conflicts with your work schedule, but this is an impressive opportunity, and I’m sure you’ll want to hear what we have to say.  Our address is ___ in Wilkes-Barre.  If you’d like to reschedule for an earlier time, please call me at ___.”

4:12pm:  “Hello?  Hello?  Yes, this is for Davit …  uh …  I’m sorry.”

4:30pm:  “Hello Mr. zebra12, this is Mr. Edwards calling back from ___ Financial Planning group.  Apparently you didn’t get my message earlier because I never heard back from you.  I’m offering you an opportunity for substantial income and personal growth, targeting a very lucrative segment of the population.  Please return my call at ___ so we can schedule an interview as soon as possible.”

4:50pm:  “Ha-LOW?  Mr. flower894839, thi id Mizz Johnson from ___ group.  I see that you scheduled an in-erview wit Mr. Smith at hour comp-knee.  An I jus wanit a say I don feel that thi iz very RESPECTFUL bcuz I calt you firs.”

So I took the only course of action open to an upstanding, morally-conscious citizen like myself.  I called using six different phone numbers and set up six different interviews next Monday using the names of six different friends.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed for them!