This may be the single stupidest thing I have ever read in my 34 years on this planet.
Central Dauphin East is insisting that last week’s epic fight was not a riot. That assertion by itself is at least arguable. But the “reasoning” — and I’m using that term generously — used is laughably bad. They insist it wasn’t a riot simply because of the lack of tear gas, bombs, and helicopters.
(District spokeswoman Shannon Leib) says the incident happened during a change of periods in a heavily trafficked area of the school. “When you hear a riot, one thinks of tear gas and bombs and smoke and helicopters landing. It was nowhere near that,” Leid (sic) said.
Presumably, the district is operating in a mid-1990s PR mode over this. Back then, an organization could trot out any talking point and, no matter how ridiculous, if they stuck to it and said nothing else, it would stick. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work very well in this Internet-enabled, social-media-toting era.
There were no bombs or helicopters. And everyone knows that when you see a prison riot on TV, there are always bombs and helicopters. Therefore, technically this was not a riot. QED. *crosses arms and stares smugly at the camera*
In other news, Linda Thompson did not issue a gag order because — hello — did you see any city workers walking around with duct tape over their mouths? Please.
Also, the incinerator is not dragging the city into the toilet. Everybody knows that whenever you see a ruined city on TV it’s Detroit. Harrisburg is not Detroit. So there.